Feb 06

the psychological effect of psychology on my psyche

Am I the only one who can’t take personality tests or quizzes or anything remotely psychologically related without worrying about whether a certain answer could skew my results completely? Just knowing that choosing answer A instead of answer B could totally change my outcome drives me crazy and I suddenly have no idea whether the answers that appeal to me are merely chosen on a whim thanks to a tiny little rebellious part of me, or whether my personality really does prefer the word “casual” to the word “structured.”

When I’m supposed to choose “funky” or “classic,” do I choose classic because that’s how I tend to act and dress? or do I choose funky, because I like the idea of funky? Does funky mean I appreciate orange platform shoes, and does classic mean my personality results will be “boring, standard, structured person who has a future in general fields?” Because some days, I am considerably more boring than some people, and other days I feel like leaving notes on strangers cars at school. How do I summarize such a broad spectrum in one little test?

Sigh.

Ironically, when I took a communication style test for one of my college classes, my result said I think too hard. I guess this is proof. which means I apparently CAN sum up my personality on a piece of paper. But I am going to stop thinking now and go to bed. because sleeping is an integral part of my personality.

Alicia <3

Comments Off
comments

Oct 28

remember me?

Hi. Remember me, the author of this neglected blog? lol. Yes, I’m still alive. A bunch has happened in my life since graduation, and I haven’t written about it all summer!!! So, let me catch you up a little (I know I promised graduation pics in my last post, but catching up is more important and quite frankly, other people’s pictures can be really boring so I’m doing this instead).

So, to start off I should tell you I am now in college full time. I am working towards an interior design degree, although I am not sure what will happen after I finish that in 2 years – I may go to another school or do another degree in art, I dunno. My classes right  now are Interior Design I and Textiles, they are pretty interesting but one of my teachers kind of scares me and the other one seems like she should be in school with me instead of teaching my classes. Oh well. It’s the credit hours that count, right?

Secondly, my life is now supplemented by the fact that I have a job. I work at the craft store (how perfect, huh?) and it is going well. My managers are quite reasonable. Almost all the employees are female so I am making a lot of friends and acquaintances. In case you were wanting to know, we don’t sell rubber bands. Sorry. Walmart is across the street.

Another thing you might want to know is that we bought some bunnies. Two of them. They are so cute. We got them as babies in June but they aren’t very small anymore. I never knew bunnies could be so noisy until we had some living in our basement. I will have to take recent pictures, but there’s a picture above of them at just a few weeks old (when we took them home). The one on the left is Herbert Ninninger and on the right is Sundae – named for the rabbit on Curious George and the kind of ice cream that is yummy, respectively. Herbert earned the nickname “the Terdinator” on the way home when we bought him, but Sundae has taken over that title. Meanwhile, Herbert loves to eat cheerios.

In other news, Anna is finally walking. Liam has become a Blue Angels fanatic. And Sarah is entering that phase of life where she would like to have her own phone to talk to her best friend whenever she wants. Ahhh, youth.

I can’t think of anything else noteworthy at the moment, except I was thinking of turning this into a design blog.

Nah.

Thanks for reading! I will probably be busy right into next quarter, but I’ll try harder to blog more often. Have a cheesy day!

Comments Off
comments

Jun 14

graduation

This picture is my favorite graduation picture. Forget the formal poses and the stiff class picture – I like candid shots way better. I will post a whole gallery of graduation day and open house pics later, but I’m short on time right now so you can just enjoy this one.

I will have an amazing fishing story soon too! the fishing was not amazing, but the story kinda is.

Alicia <3

Comments Off
comments

Jun 11

i’m 18 (please give me a time machine)

So here I am at 3:59 am, blogging. The house is quiet and dark, but my brain is anything but. I have alot of thoughts churning in my head, a rumbling stomach, and I also slept too late this morning which always keeps me up the next night. There’s also some other things bugging me, like for example the birds singing outside. Seriously. What they are doing singing at 4 in the morning, I have no idea, but it’s true.

Anyway, I am mainly not sleeping because my mind is very busy. This is not uncommon, but has been an increasing problem for a while. I have finally decided to get out of bed and launch into a bloggy tirade about how hard it is to be a teenager (trust me, I also fully realize how hard it is to be around a teenager as well, but that’s a completely different post).

It all started with the beginning of senior year. People told me, “Oh, take advantage of senior year! It’s so great and you only live it once!” There’s like this aura of awesomeness surrounding being a senior, like you have lived through the icky parts of high school and reached enlightenment or something, and now you really are cool, even if you weren’t before. Well, after having experienced it, I don’t buy all that. Senior year was nice and all, but it felt an awful lot like junior year, except with more stress, more decisions, more stuff to do, more stuff to wish I could do, and more stuff to wish I hadn’t done. It lasted about as long as summer generally does – not long enough – and it cost more money than all my high school education put together.  Throughout the year, there were things to be disappointed about, just like any other year. There was stuff that came up unexpectedly, or sat there annoyingly, or bothered me for weeks on end before I finally gave up being upset about it. I don’t know what I was expecting, but to be honest, I guess I was hoping for something better.

Now that I have graduated, I’m glad I did graduate. It took me until the recessional on graduation day to decide that, but at least I’m there now. Struggling through senior year was worth it to be able to say I made it. And then there was this post-graduation euphoria thing where I couldn’t wait to go to college, live my dreams, make my mark on the world. I think that phase lasted about 2 weeks at most. And now here I am, no longer ready to take on the world, stuck in a very uncomfortable spot until further notice. My 18th birthday was June 7th, which adds to the responsibility I put on myself. My perspective on life right now is pretty negative – not because I want it to be, but because I am trying to reconcile my dreams with reality. Let’s face it, reality is harsh and uncertain, which stinks.

I am having a lot of trouble with the fact that so many people go to college, and yet never end up doing what they want to do. Their dreams get put on hold because of financial problems, having a kid, getting married, some kind of crisis, etc, and they just never get back to it. I know many smart, amazing people who had dreams, once, and they’ve totally driven a stake into what they wanted for themselves, or have had their vision for life completely shattered by something outside of their control. I know few people who had a budget as small as mine, and dreams as big and fluffy as mine, who have succeeded and lived to tell the story. Do not that many succeed at all? Or do people just forget what it’s like to be here?

I also have a problem with timing, and how short life is. People always seem to think that because I’m young, how long I live and stuff doesn’t matter to me because I have my whole life left. That’s not true. I have already lived 18 long years. I’m not saying I’m as old as dirt or anything, but 18 years would be a long time for a marriage to last, or for a cat to live, or for a carton of milk to be in the refrigerator, right? I have lived ALL 18 of those years and they totally flew by. After graduating and having a birthday, it feels even more like I have somehow missed out on a chunk of life that’s already over. How much time I have left and what I want to do with it is something that weighs very heavily on me, however young I may be. There is so much to finish on the short term before summer ends, before the great formidable COLLEGE gets in the way and I am stuck. In the long term, I almost constantly get bombarded with my own questions – Am I wasting my life by wanting this right now? Is this where I am supposed to be? If I go here and do this with my life, will I regret it? What if I am interrupted by this, or that? Can I leave that behind for 4 years or is it more important than I think it is? Specifically, I find myself wondering whether I can leave my house this fall. Is getting out into the world and starting on a path to my own life more important than staying home and watching my siblings grow up? Staying in one place seems like wasted time, but I don’t want to miss anything. I want to stay here and enjoy it when Anna learns to really talk, and our bunnies are hopping around the house, and I am finally done redecorating my room. I want to be here when my parents need a babysitter, and when Sarah wants to play ball, and when Liam draws me a picture.

In sum, I don’t really wanna grow up. Being here is hard. My only comfort is that I can let God handle it, and He will do a better job than me. As much as I hate mushy stuff, it’s true. Being young forever is easier, but it really screws up the time space continuum.

Speaking of which, it is now 5:07 am. I might as well go to bed and take what I can get before my alarm goes off and I face another day of being young.

Comments Off
comments

May 20

my senior prom

Even though prom wasn’t that big a deal for me this year, I still wanted to post pictures and I feel like since prom happened before graduation, I need to blog about prom first no matter how significant graduation is. that is just my weirdo self talking, I know, but i’m just gonna go with it.

So as I said before, for prom I wore a dress that used to be my mom’s, it’s cute ivory lace (from JCPenney somewhere between 70’s and 80’s – crazy). My wonderful grandma (who bought the dress originally!) altered it a little to fit me better, and I added a black waist ribbon which cost me a couple bucks. I went out and bought black flats with little bows last fall to wear with this dress ($15 from Target) and I already had the earrings ($1 from Target). The gloves were an afterthought and I almost didn’t have them – I bought them the day of prom at possibly the only store nearby that had any left! I guess gloves get popular this time of year. I also had a matching black purse but the pictures with the purse looked kinda dorky so you’ll just have to take my word for it that it was cute with the dress. The gloves were $12, the purse was $15, and I bought eyeshadow for this last fall too which was like $6, and that rose in my hair was a couple dollars. In sum, I spent less than what alot of girls spend on just the dress, and looked way more unique. I consider that an accomplishment.

So enough about all that, let’s get to the pictures. (What’s funny about these pictures is that on the doorknob behind me there is a little lace heart that matches my dress, and we totally didn’t plan that.) You’ll have to click on each one if you want to see my head and then click on it again to see it bigger. I know it’s a pain, but I have trouble with the picture thing on here and I can never get it to do what I want, and this is the easiest way I know how at the moment.

Do I look like I’m from some awesome vintage era? Because that was kind of the goal, but I can’t tell since I have only ever lived in the nineties and the two thousandey years (how do you write that in numbers? 90’s and 00’s? seems odd).

Anyway, so I hope you enjoyed the pictures! Please no one stalk me now.

Alicia <3

Comments Off
comments

May 14

my life in review

Well, maybe not all of my life, but some of it. Here are the highlights of what’s been up lately:

- I did get the promised pink fuzzy dice for my car. They are so fuzzy and dicelike. My parents also got my car fixed, so I’ve been driving it. It has undeniable zoom factor, but yes, I have been driving the speed limit. Usually.

- I went to prom. I wore my mom’s lace dress as I said I would back in the fall, with black accessories, and somehow my mom managed to give me an updo even though my hair isn’t even long enough to put it into a ponytail yet (the power of hairspray is now more evident to me than ever before). Anyway, it was fun to dress up, but boring to attend. Dancing with strangers is not all that enjoyable for me, and I needed tacos or something instead of dainty little cookies. I also realized while at prom that I have forgotten how to do the macarena. This is a concern for me, since apparently everyone else in high school knows how. Note to self: next time, I will dress up at home and eat real food and dance with my sister instead, to songs I actually know. Like the chicken dance (which I may or may not remember any better than the macarena).

- I graduated. This is kind of a big deal I suppose, so I will blog about it more in depth at a later date. I also had my open house, which also has alot of details and stories to go with it. But for now, I’ll just say that the post-graduation-thank-you-card stage has arrived, and I have accidentally inhaled a lot of rubber cement fumes over the past few days.

- My brother is still practicing his accidental stand-up comedy. Today he was examining a strainer in the kitchen, and I said, “Do you know what that’s for?” He said yes, he did know what it was for, and it was “an organizer.” “It puts the small things outside and keeps the big things inside,” as he put it.

- Sarah is now on a 1200 calorie a day diet. She is having so much fun adding up all the calories she eats, it’s almost hilarious. I am trying to beat her in number of calories per day because I could stand to gain weight, but so far I am just not winning. I think it’s because though I pride myself in eating lots of calories, I can’t fit nearly as much food in me as she can. But stay tuned, I will persevere.

- Anna is learning to stand up by herself. She practices a lot in the bathtub, of all places. For a while there she was saying “hi” like crazy and she still has days where that’s her thing, but now she has also moved on to babbling like a maniac. The sound she makes cannot be accurately imitated or written down… But it is hilarious. You know Kirby from the Chicken Little movie when he gets excited? It sounds alot like that, and Anna even has the blue eyes and fuzzy hair to go with it. She only has two eyes though, but personally I’m okay with that.

Well, that’s about all I can think of at the moment. If I forgot something important, don’t worry. I’ll come back soon. (sooner than I have lately, promise.)

Alicia <3

Comments Off
comments

Apr 26

my super duper graduation present

I sold my old car to someone (yes, of course I cried) for $150. I have noticed that sentimental value has NO value in the business world /: The good news is, the person buying it was going to try to repair it and resell it for profit, so my baby car may not go to the junkyard just yet. It got towed away that afternoon, and that night before bed Liam said to me, “It’s okay ‘leesha, we’ll get you a new car tomorrow.” Lol.

So, after selling it, I plunged myself into the car buying market. At least one Mustang, several Saturns and Pontiacs, an ‘89 Camaro (I KNOW!), aand a few miscellaneous cars later, I found one. In short, I got new wheels for graduation! And not just any wheels… dun dun dunnnn…. A ‘98 Dodge Avenger! Okay, so mine doesn’t look like the one in the above picture. That’s just to help you out with realizing my car’s potential. My actual car is the one below. It has a leather interior and all sorts of good stuff. At the moment it needs a control arm and struts, but we got it for about $2,000 which is pretty great if you ask me. The sales guy who sold it to us was amazing. He apparently scrubbed the entire car on his knees before my dad drove it home – that and he was concerned about it being a smoker’s car previously so he gave us like two or three extra air fresheners just in case. lol. Also the important part is, it runs.

Here’s the breakdown on why it’s a great car:

I like it because it’s sporty but safe, pleases both parents, is small enough that I don’t feel like I’m driving a dump truck, and is big enough that if I hit a mailbox I will survive. Also there’s the part about how boys will envy me… Oh wait, did I say that?

My sister likes it because it goes fast and it has a tape deck, so we can listen to Zoegirl really loudly.

My brother is just excited that it’s a car, but he also likes climbing through the backseat into the trunk.

My mom is happy that it has good crash test ratings and airbags.

My dad is pretty much ready to enter the world of street racing.

If it’s too boring for you in all black, don’t worry. Male readers, cover your eyes for my next statement: I’ll be adding a significant amount of pink to this car. Hopefully in the form of racing stripes and definitely in the form of fuzzy dice. My dad has also proposed neon ground kits, but I haven’t found out whether those are actually legal here yet… which could possibly be an issue if you know what I mean.

And I won’t be racing it, by the way. I’m sure you are all so glad [:

Alicia <3

Comments Off
comments

Apr 06

the scoop

So I haven’t blogged in a while. I’ve been super busy. I’m beginning to realize that people who blog every day must not have lives.

My car is not fixed. The first shop we took it to just happened to be out of business and we didn’t even know (it was after hours when we dropped it off). So, we brought it back home. Then we took it to another shop. They said nothing was wrong with it – of course, it started for them and behaved beautifully the whole time, why is this? – and so we brought it home again. the next day my mom drove it someplace without a problem, and in the afternoon I was all set to drive myself to dance class… And it wouldn’t start.

I am beginning to think my car has betrayed me. It hurts.

So goes the saga of my car up to this point. It’s sitting in the driveway, mostly dead. And I am having to schedule everything around my mom because I have to use her van if I want to go anywhere. I’m not really that bothered by it, but it would just be so much nicer if my car would cooperate. Oh well.

Besides my car, there has been some other stuff keeping me busy. I graduate on May 2nd so I’m trying to wrap a lot of stuff up for that. Took the ACT yet again on Saturday, which was exhausting (always is for me. other people don’t seem to have this problem). I love how the rules of the test barely let students breathe while in the testing room, but the teacher administering the test can kick back at his computer and check his email while drinking coffee. So, so unfair. All I want is a sip of water in the middle of the horrendous math test! – which seems much more reasonable than coffee. I guess at least the guy wasn’t mean or anything. He kind of had a sense of humor, which was good, but he wasn’t really acting nice. you know? I’m sure he is normally nice, but he probably isn’t as nice when he has to get up at like six on a Saturday to sit in a stone silent room for 4 hours. At least that’s how it goes for me. Last year, I had like the nicest ACT test teacher person ever. I don’t even remember why I liked him. He was just funny and cool about the whole thing. I still remember his name because it was on the wall in his classroom. If I went to public school, I’d pick that school just so I could be in his class.

Okay maybe not.

Anyway, with graduation, senior banquet, prom AND spring formal coming up in the next 2-3 months, I am in a quandary about dresses. Now, I realize you people don’t care what I wear, but I do and I don’t know what to wear. I bought a purple dress for one of the above, but I don’t know which one. I have that lace one I was going to wear to fall formal but didn’t which I was going to wear to prom, but now that I have the purple one I might wear it to prom and wear the lace one for spring formal and just wear church clothes for senior banquet, and that leaves graduation, on which we have already spent so much money and I hate to buy a dress for it. * inhale * Sorry.

So, that’s about all that’s happening with me. Oh, that and I bought a chandelier and found some jewelry from the 50’s, and I wish I could go back in time and live in the era of gumball machine and cereal box charms.

Alicia <3

Comments Off
comments

Mar 13

an ode to my baby car

This picture shows how I feel about my car being broken. It’s even raining in the picture, which is appropriate (you’ll see why). Yes, my car broke. It wasn’t really my fault either. I mean, it kind of was since I was driving, but I didn’t do anything mean to it. I just went to Divine Truth and parked and when I got out of the store, it wouldn’t start anymore. It wasn’t the first time this has happened, but it was the first time that waiting a little while didn’t help. I did try waiting a bit. I shopped more at Divine Truth for a while. Then I crossed the street and went to Walgreens. Then I crossed the street again and went to Big Lots. Then I was bored, and my car still wouldn’t start… So I called my mommy. She said she would rescue me. So I sat in my car and rolled down the windows and listened to Group One Crew and tried to look inconspicuous without falling asleep. Mom got there eventually but it took a long time so we thought maybe THEN it would start. But no. So I had to leave my baby car in the parking lot and go home without it.

Now, I must interrupt and tell you about my baby car. It’s older than me. It has a lot of rust, to the point where you can pull entire chunks of stuff off the back above the wheel wells. It has some quirks, like how the windows whine and moan and carry on when you roll them up and down, or like how the lights randomly get dimmer and brighter while driving. Also if you put it in park after running errands and leave it running, the engine revvs itself like 15 times (sometimes more) and you can watch the RPM guage go up and down and up and down and up and down… If you turn the wipers on, I swear it can tell whether it’s precipitating or not, because the wipers move faster when it’s raining. If you put the wipers on “high” when it’s raining, they look and sound like they are going to fly right off the car. Sometimes, when my car is having a bad day, it gets stuck in park and I have to use an extra key to put it in drive. This summer, I had to duct tape my muffler back on in a stranger’s driveway because it fell off while I was going somewhere. When I turn corners, the front wheels make this horrible ticking/clunking sound, but if I make a wider corner and use more gas it is quiet. And also, cold weather causes the key to stick in the ignition, so in the winter I have one car key in the ignition pretty much 24/7 and one set of keys to carry with me so I can get IN my car.

Now here’s the weird part – none of that was complaining. I just really KNOW my car. And I haven’t even been driving for more than like two years. Weird. As much as I appreciate the idea of a more reliable car, I might get depressed if I have to sell this ridiculous thing.

Anyway, with all of that fresh in your minds, consider how sad it was for me to leave my baby car in the parking lot all by itself. It got even worse when my dad and I went back to get it later and it wouldn’t start then either. I had to leave it there AGAIN, and that night it rained and poured and thundered and I felt sad about my car being all by itself far away from home. A day later, in the freezing cold, we went back AGAIN. This time we tried carburetor cleaner, engine starter fluid, the works (for future reference, neither Big Lots nor Walgreens sells carburetor fluid – go straight to Walmart). My poor baby car tried its best, but it just wouldn’t quite turn over… So we left it there again, this time with a note since we didn’t want it impounded: “I’m not abandoned, just broken. Someone will come back for me.” That time, between the freezing rain and the biting wind and the lonely parking lot, was nearly the breaking point for me. I almost cried. Seriously.

On Monday morning we had to have it towed home. My brother was thrilled to have a tow truck coming to our house. I was thrilled to see my car, although the towing guy didn’t park it straight. My parents weren’t thrilled about the cost of towing.

Today during a miraculous and extremely lucky moment, my dad somehow got it running. I drove it straight to the shop for fear that if we shut it off again, it would be toast. And now here I am, waiting for my baby car to be fixed and come back home again – hopefully SOON.

Is it so wrong to have a dirty old rusty car as my true love? Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

Alicia <3

Comments Off
comments

Feb 24

cool videos and colored cheerios

I found this great video today on someone else’s blog. The person described it as “DIY crafts meet cooking,” which I have to agree with. Very creative.
You’ll have to follow the link, because I have no clue how to embed this silly thing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBjLW5_dGAM

In other news, I got froot loops for breakfast! Yum!

Alicia <3

Comments Off
comments